Dean Michael Berris

This day started as a very good one -- the sun was out, the breeze was a bit chilly, and overall it started like a good day to make things happen. Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me and I needed to take a day to reflect on what I was really feeling. At the end of yesterday I felt like I didn't have enough courage to write what I really felt and what was really going through my mind but I still wrote about the gloom. Today though, that changes and for the most part I'm almost going to take back what I wrote yesterday.

This post is not about ranting about the politicians (although I will mention them), it's not about the relief effort (although I want to be part of it), and it's also not about the Philippines and the Filipino spirit (although I will talk about it). This post is about dealing with the fact that we are helpless when disaster strikes but we never lose hope the day after. Because if there's one thing we can always have is hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Like yesterday I've already mentioned that I feel really fortunate that I wasn't very much affected by the calamity that is the coming of the most recent tropical storm Ondoy. There are a few people I know that had a harder time having their families' homes devastated. There are others that are a bit more affected by the scenery of the immediate aftermath of the storm and how the Filipinos can even go on with their daily lives like nothing happened. I'm glad I haven't met someone who's oblivious in all the things that have been happening otherwise I think that's going to be an unpleasant conversation. But yesterday was a different day for me.

First I felt disconnected from the world not in the Physical sense, but more of the emotional sense. I felt like I wasn't being part of the larger community dealing with the disaster in a manner that was making me feel better. Some people go through the different stages of dealing with pain and I think I was in denial -- that no, the pictures I was seeing and the videos I was watching were all not real. That's what it seemed to me: surreal. It felt like it was happening to someone else and that I was not part of it all -- and to some extent, it was true.

Second I felt hollow and dejected. I felt like I didn't want to get out of the house and see what the immediate aftermath of the storm was like. I didn't want to see how the outside world looked like especially since I wasn't so much affected by what just happened. It was a combination of guilt and avoidance that made me want to just not want to deal with it. Emotionally I wanted to stay in that place where things were uncertain and that I felt the overwhelming sense of detachment.

Third, I was lost for words. For a brief moment yesterday I lost my voice -- I wanted to say a lot more than what I did and so I tried blogging. The first paragraph almost seemed poetic, but poetic wasn't what I was going for. I wanted to be able to express what I really felt in a full article, but then words failed me. I kept it short, but I felt it was not enough -- I knew I had a lot more to say.

Everyone I know right now has been talking pretty much about what people are doing about it. Some people want to help in the effort. I personally want to do so too and I want to be able to help as much as the next person. However I feel like helping should be something you do because you want to help but not so that you want to feel better about yourself. Self-less giving has something to do with being genuine, and I feel like half-hearted giving is not good enough for me. So right now I'm organizing things to be able to genuinely help -- that means funds (part of my lunch money) and old clothing as well as perishable goods would be going to the most convenient relief location.

Everyone I know is also asking where the politicians are and why aren't they more active in the relief effort. I think the question is wrong. I think we should be asking ourselves why we even care where the politicians are, like they're required to help and do something when we ourselves aren't doing much of anything. I think instead of asking where the politicians are and giving them a hard time for being politicians, we should instead care more about what we should do so that disasters like these don't affect us as much as it does. We should be asking ourselves what we can do to prevent the next insane storm that comes our way from ruining lots of people's lives like this last one did. We should be thinking of solutions, not asking our politicians to solve the problems for us. We should be solving the problems, not standing by and asking where the heroes are.

Almost everyone I've talked to has said something about how resilient the Filipino Spirit is. I think they're mistaking apathy and contentment with resilience. If we were truly a resilient people, we should have risen above the petty political squabbles of the era's past and moved towards a progressive and mature society. If we were truly a resilient people, then we should have rose through the ashes of the tragedies of this century with purpose and deliverance. If we were truly resilient then we shouldn't be in a worse position than our ASEAN neighbors who have moved on from their past selves into a reinvented new self, a mending of their history and their future in their present form. I don't believe we're resilient -- I think we are a people of half-baked convictions and a society of peoples taking short cuts. I believe that nothing about what happened the past few days will change the way we do things and the way we live our lives as a people.

So if I don't believe we should be relying on the government to solve our problems and if I don't believe the latest disaster will change the way we live our lives, what do I believe will solve our problems and change the way we do live as a people? Hope. Not the cigarette brand, but the real thing. One thing that I've heard from Filipino's from all walks of life has been that "it's hopeless" or that "it's not going to change" or "that's just the way it is". Change is not what we need, what we need is hope -- hope that what very little we do today will change our country's future as we go along.

If everybody has a hope of eradicating corruption by not being corrupt themselves then abiding by the law one citizen at a time will hopefully raise a new generation of law abiding citizens. If everybody has a hope of changing the constitution to make our government work for us (the people) better by participating in the process and engaging in the debate then improving the government through addressing the root causes will hopefully raise a new generation of trusting, trustworthy, and genuine public servants. If everybody has the hope of becoming a role model to the children by becoming the best person they can be in every situation then striving for constant improvement, innovation, and progress will hopefully inspire the next generation to become the best they can be regardless of their situation.

It's always about the motivation to do something. If we were really a resilient people, we should prove it. If we really want to make things happen, we should do something about the situation. If we really want to change our country and our society, we should start with ourselves.

Having said this, if we really want to avoid being devastated again by natural disasters and equip ourselves with the right tools to be able to address our current problems, then let's start by refusing to believe that Manila's infrastructure, our country's government, and our society is hopeless. If we want to really be able to capitalize on our countrymen's ingenuity and invest in our civilization's legacy, then we should start with one of the best things we can start with: hope.

Tomorrow is always another day -- to do right, to dream, to achieve, and to progress.