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Why did I ever try...

I've been writing for most of the past few days, and once in a while I try to do what most aspiring authors do -- start writing. I've written a lot regarding my thesis, and I've written a lot on this blog -- little snippets of things that should be kept private but nonetheless made public for amusement. I've tried my best to put my experiences on the net and maybe, just maybe, be able to touch someone else's life or just give them a glimpse into my not so exiting life.

I've done a lot of thinking for both trivial and important things, and I've most of the time written them online. I've tried to do what I think would be the best for me and other people, however I've also put some of these things into writing. However, I haven't tried actually writing about something, which for some people think would be ironic for me.

I've tried to do what most people who like to write do -- keep things simple and write it as it is. I have done some news reporting in the past (high school), and I have also experienced writing a column (high school) and hearing people's reactions to what I had to say. It felt good, and felt very rewarding. I've broadcasted my opinion on radio, and I like having my voice heard over a considerably broad media. I also like getting other people's opinion.

I like talking to other people. Talking to others is what keeps me alive, since a day without a conversation actually drains me more than a day without food (well, maybe not, but it's something close to that). I've done most of my work in front of a computer writing -- may it be code or actual human language for conversation or commentary. I've also done a lot of reading, listening, and advising -- however talking is just something you can't take away from me unless you pay me a significant amount. Even a significant amount might not be able to keep me from talking.

With all the exposure I've had from radio, the net, and many more, I've never been able to get past the first chapter of anything I try to write -- in the form of a book. I've written around 50+ pages for my thesis, but I've yet to get past 3 on a book about Calauan. I've posted close to 200 messages on this blog, and I've still yet to come up with some story that's half believable at least. It might have something to do with the cryptic nature of my work/field, or just my mere lack of imagination.

Whatever it might be, it only adds to my frustrations of doing something I really like and failing at it. I like writing (quite a lot), but for some reason I can't get past myself to sit down and write something half decent (for publication) aside from my thesis. Maybe that's a good thing, but even though it's not really necessary for me to write something, knowing that I can do it and not be able to do it well just consumes me.

Maybe I should just stick to talking... And blogging... Or maybe even drinking with airheads would work -- at least I have something to write about.



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