Mental Blabberings

sometimes... sometimes i feel that maybe what if feel is what i want to feel. or maybe its just that ive not beenm feeling the things i am supposed to be feeling. it has been officially a whole day of not making contact with the one person i love, and for the first time, it felt right. not bothering the person you love, and spending time for yourself is something i havent done in a while - and is something im planning to do more often. maybe its the new determination i found in her honesty, in her being straightforward, and the input from my friends that have made me more capable of at least doing some things for myself. the things i miss are slowly coming back and making their presence felt more than ever. what are these things i do for myself then? basically, engage in social activities that required me to be both active and passive (sports, and spectator sports...) as well as the occasional dates. in fact, i have one sceduled on wednesday, and once again, im excited in

life... thank God i'm alive. i couldnt imagine life if i were to live it as an active observer . maybe being an angel and just looking, observing, dreaming, and wishing would be a sucky way of being... i could only hope and pray that i would be an angel in my next life, if that were possible, so that i would be able to feel how much it was to be alive, and so that i could look after the loved ones i would be leaving behind. and so that i could continue to serve Him in the way i know best - be a servant, literally. i know i havent been the best christian lately, although i try my best to be a good person to myself and others. that to me, is how i could best serve him within the bounds of my self imposed liberality and the services i know best to offer. so how about you, have you thought of the possible ways of being a servant to him other than going to church every *day, or is that the best you can do? chill... ;-)

love is like a river. supposedly, love is never ending, infinite, and eternal. but how does it manifest itself? does it have to come in the form of gifts, words, actions? how do i let the person i love know that i love her? do i tell her? and then what, do i give her my undivided affection, time and attention? then do i ask her if she feels the same? and suppose she does feel the same, how do i know if she really loves me? or worse, if she says that the feeling is not mutual, then what am i to do? what am i to say? does having you own time and being able to be yourself constitute a good enough reason not to love? does having a person you like by your side give you enough reason to be complacent and scared to not commit to a relationship which takes some of your time and affection? does having too much to do other than love give you a suitable aliby to not even consider the fact that maybe, just maybe what you feel is already love? or is that feeling of suddenly increasi

lost... i feel realy bad na i didnt get to go to my brod's wake. really so stupid of me - oversleeping... what a lame excuse. and what a silly thing to do. anyway, my prayers include my brod - knowing that he's there and that he's in a place that he's happier. how dont we just wish that there were a place like that here on earth...

busy i have been so *darn busy* since my last blog, that its almost impossible to put something of interest here... maybe its because im quite happy right now, and that there arent a alot of things bugging me, or is it just the weather... anyways, you get the point. :-) til next tym! hehehe! ;-)