Mental Blabberings

plastic why do people even bother to smile, when the smile is obviously just for show? why do people have a hard time being sincere? and why do they have a hard time being sincere to me? during a nice sunny day, when everything seemed fine and the day seemed so nice, you tend to naturally feel light, happy, and alive. then suddenly, other people start showing up, and then start ruining your day. talk about a really pathetic way of ending the day. when the smile gets to you, it should really get you to smile back -- unless the smile wasn't sincere. in which case you want to just stop everything and turn everything back wishing that she hadn't smiled at you. i want things to go back to when everything was simple but now it's obvious that it isn't possible. it's too far from the beginning at whenever life shows its ugly face at you, you just want to hide. unfortunately, i don't know of a time when i could place myself at and say that i was really happy, a

finally finally the parallel genetic algorithms based solution to the asymmetric travelling salesman problem is operational and ready for testing. i've already done a couple of tests on it, and it seems that there's a trend i'm coming up with. the paper regarding it shoul be available in the next few days, since it has to be seen by my instructor and adviser before i can make it public. technical details regarding the setup and the study may be obtained through email mikhailberis [at] free.net.ph . interested individuals who want a copy of the paper would have to wait, and would for now have to express written interest via email at the given address. you may also search the true compsci mailing list archives regarding my posts on parallel GA and the asymmetric TSP. sacha: i miss dinner. i should go to diliman more often. @};-

hate why am i no able to feel hate towards a certain person? why can i not learn to hate her? why can i not stop loving her, or thinking about her? is this what i get for listening to my heart? it seems that whetever try to do to forget the person, it just doesn't work. i don't know what else to do, because i've never been in this situation before. i never thought that loving someone like i have loved this person would have such an effect to me. i never thought that i would ever be able to want to forget her. but now, i'm over her somehow -- but i'm still blogging about her aren't I? there should be something wrong with me. but whatever that is, I must get oever it ASAP. the problem is, i want to move on but i can't. everything that i see, read, or hear most of the times reminds me of her. every little thing that reminds me of her is very important to me, and i can't seem to get over them. like whenever i see her name on my cell phone, or her e

life... why is life like this? what did i do, or what have i not done to desrve this? why is SHE like that? i learned a valuable lesson today. do not build your life around any one dream, unless you're prepared to fail. and unfortunately, my building my world around the person i love doesn't have a plan b. i don't know what to do now, but to sulk in misery and be alone for the meantime. i build my life around a dream that one day, maybe one day i meet the perosn i am willing to live the rest of my life with. however, i never expected that person to not love me back for who i am, or for what i am and will be. i've built my world around the idea that someday, when i meet that person, we shall live our lives together happily. unfortunately, i never took into account the possiblity that either she doesn't come, or that when we meet things wouldn't go as plan. the big mistake i've commited is not preparing plan b, and now i am lost. i have friends, a