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Showing posts from November, 2002
spontaneous combustion

have you ever tried to be spontaneous, and at the same time calculatedly cunning, cool, and well planned to make your move? well believe me, i have and i really liked the feeling.

asking for a girl's number is something not easy to do for a guy like me who isn't really handsome by my standards - so this poses a big self esteem issue, but i dont lack confidence in myself (makes sense?). but asking for two girls' numbers, is a gargantuan gamble to take, especially on foreign and unfamiliar territory. but now i can really say that yes - really worth the gamble.

it's worth the gamble not because i got to gain new contacts (who are really good looking by the way) but mainly because it gives me a really big boost in not only self esteem and confidence, but also by the way i gauge my capabilities in socializing and conversation. i always knew that i could socialize, but never did i think that i could pull something like this off. and so much for trying, …
what?

so girl, what's it gonna be? this is the question i would most like to ask the only girl i ever truly loved in my whole life. my love for her is the only thing that's special to me now, and heck i need to know a fewthings that i think are long overdue.

yes, i would give her my whole life, and yes i would love for for the rest of it. but then i still would need to know what's gonna happen - what is she thinking about, will she ever decide to love me or just play me as a fool for the rest of my life, does she even care if i get hurt or if i succeed in some undertaking, would she even want to be with me today, tomorrow, or anytime for that matter, or would she rather be alone or with someone else?

although i can take a hint or two, i wouldnt want to assume anything. maybe she doesnt want to tell me in my face that 'hey, its not gonna happen' but then that is the only way i would know. she could always write me a note or a letter, but than i think she doesnt reall…
reality of study

i just registered for the next semester a few hours ago, and on my way home i was contemplating on a few things in my head. one of these things that interested me a lot was the thought that maybe going to school is much like the everything else that goes around in life.

first of all, it is a commitment you choose to make if you want to get something out of it. you practically invest your time and effort to gain a profit from that investment (knowledge and wisdom). but during your investment, there are a lot of side shows that are worth noting. such as the pursuit for knowledge, and the wisdom you garner while on your journey.

i realized that during registration (or enrollment) we renew our commitment to this search for knowledge, and thus our investment for more profit increases the capital, and such the collateral - which are your grades and future - increases with it. if we then graduate, and finish this chapter of our lives, then the profit must either amount to or …
two words...

i have two words that i would like one particular person to throw at me which are: i'm sorry.

why? im not asking for an apology, but giving her a subtle way of telling me that it cannot be. a subtle way of telling me that she doesn't love me, or even like me for that matter to be her boyfriend.

with those two words, she could save me the illusions i might be having of us one day being together and loving each other. she could also tell me a whole lot by those two words in that she wont be making promises she wont keep and expect me to see that its fine. these words would also let me know that she doesnt need my life which i am offering her.

with those two words, she could tell me the harsh reality that 'hey dean, face it: i dont love you, and you are not the one for me.' and let me know that i could just choose to be her friend, which i might be able to stomach.

or even with those words, she would be able to make me see that she is really sorry for not bein…
too long a break.

it has been so long since i last wrote to this blog, and sometimes im beggining to forget why i even have a blog.

basically, i want an outlet of thoughts and emotions, as well as an activity in which i can reflect upon what has been happening to my life lately. well now that im back on track, and am very much in the mood for reflection, im getting back on the horse which has taken me to a place i really like -- deep inside of me.

yes, there have been a lot of events in my life, as well long stretches of uneventful moments. nowadays, moments seem to come unnoticed and even come like the wind that passes me by. maybe its because im pretty much content and somewhat accomplished in my life, that things seem to just pass by unnoticed.

however, it may be because ive found peace in myself, and now that i am a godfather to three very young and very lovable kids -- diche's pong, ate lev's jose, and dianne's tsianina -- my life seems to be more than just my struggle…