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sometimes...

sometimes i feel that maybe what if feel is what i want to feel. or maybe its just that ive not beenm feeling the things i am supposed to be feeling.

it has been officially a whole day of not making contact with the one person i love, and for the first time, it felt right. not bothering the person you love, and spending time for yourself is something i havent done in a while - and is something im planning to do more often.

maybe its the new determination i found in her honesty, in her being straightforward, and the input from my friends that have made me more capable of at least doing some things for myself. the things i miss are slowly coming back and making their presence felt more than ever.

what are these things i do for myself then? basically, engage in social activities that required me to be both active and passive (sports, and spectator sports...) as well as the occasional dates. in fact, i have one sceduled on wednesday, and once again, im excited in meeting new people.

dont get me wrong, but i still do love elvine, but the thing is that im not asking her to love me any more than how and if she loves me now. it would be great if someday she thinks that she does (or did) love me, and that she would be able to tell me so. but nevertheless, whether or not that time comes, im not counting on it happening - nor will i stop loving her.

it just feels great to be myself again - untied and unburdened from the shackles of the love i have for her, and the waiting for her to love me too. although i love her, im not afraid to fall in love with another (if i ever will), or of the fact that she should never be able to love me.

and by the way: neverwinter nights rule!

have a nice one ya'll... =)

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