Skip to main content
sometimes...

sometimes i feel that maybe what if feel is what i want to feel. or maybe its just that ive not beenm feeling the things i am supposed to be feeling.

it has been officially a whole day of not making contact with the one person i love, and for the first time, it felt right. not bothering the person you love, and spending time for yourself is something i havent done in a while - and is something im planning to do more often.

maybe its the new determination i found in her honesty, in her being straightforward, and the input from my friends that have made me more capable of at least doing some things for myself. the things i miss are slowly coming back and making their presence felt more than ever.

what are these things i do for myself then? basically, engage in social activities that required me to be both active and passive (sports, and spectator sports...) as well as the occasional dates. in fact, i have one sceduled on wednesday, and once again, im excited in meeting new people.

dont get me wrong, but i still do love elvine, but the thing is that im not asking her to love me any more than how and if she loves me now. it would be great if someday she thinks that she does (or did) love me, and that she would be able to tell me so. but nevertheless, whether or not that time comes, im not counting on it happening - nor will i stop loving her.

it just feels great to be myself again - untied and unburdened from the shackles of the love i have for her, and the waiting for her to love me too. although i love her, im not afraid to fall in love with another (if i ever will), or of the fact that she should never be able to love me.

and by the way: neverwinter nights rule!

have a nice one ya'll... =)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Futures and Options III: Economics, Journalism, or Computer Science

I realise it's been a year since my previous post on this blog, and I've found myself having very little time to do another "brain dump" on the subject of my early choices in life. With that in mind (and as I'll be traveling again soon) I get to think a little more and reflect on a few of the things that have happened.

Much like the previous post, this one's set in high school -- where I was part of the swimming team, in a band, had been programming with Turbo Pascal, Java, and then C++ later on, and was about to make a choice that would literally change the course of my life. This one is about the choices I made, and the ones that were made for me.

Note: This is part 3 of a series about my early choices in life which have gotten me to where I am today. I would greatly appreciate your feedback and thoughts, as well as for your reading through this series!


Rant: Despair and Hopelessness

This weekend I had the chance to do a Google+ hangout with my father in the Philippines. He and I don't talk often but we do have a very good relationship. My dad is cool like that. In this hangout we talked about a few things happening in the Philippines and I've gotten the feeling that my homeland is getting ever deeper into economic disrepair, and that the politics to which I've come to be hopeless on is beyond repair. I've wanted to get something off my chest that's been bothering me for a while now, so if you would indulge me please read on.

Background

I grew up in a part of the Philippines where the land is fertile, there are thriving industries, and there's a certain sense of abundance and stability. This part of the Philippines has good schools, good employment opportunities (mostly industrial and service industries), good investment opportunities (real-estate and agricultural), and good potential for growth. This was true when I was young and this is tr…

Writing Again

It's 2019 and I just realised that I've not written on this blog for a long while. I feel a little bad about this so I'm picking it back up again. More importantly, I've limited my social media to just Twitter (I've deleted all my Facebook-related accounts) and will be writing more on the blog instead of engaging in other social media sites. If you want to reach me directly, you can also reach me through my keybase.io account for encrypted communication. If you have my phone number, you can also contact me through Signal. Quite a number of things have happened in the past few years and here's a quick update on things that I can share:

I've been working on XRay, a function call tracing system now part of the LLVM project. This took a good two and some years of my time at Google.Most recently I've moved to the Chrome Operations Team still here in Google Sydney. I can't give specifics yet of what I'll be working on, so stay tuned.There've been c…