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two words...

i have two words that i would like one particular person to throw at me which are: i'm sorry.

why? im not asking for an apology, but giving her a subtle way of telling me that it cannot be. a subtle way of telling me that she doesn't love me, or even like me for that matter to be her boyfriend.

with those two words, she could save me the illusions i might be having of us one day being together and loving each other. she could also tell me a whole lot by those two words in that she wont be making promises she wont keep and expect me to see that its fine. these words would also let me know that she doesnt need my life which i am offering her.

with those two words, she could tell me the harsh reality that 'hey dean, face it: i dont love you, and you are not the one for me.' and let me know that i could just choose to be her friend, which i might be able to stomach.

or even with those words, she would be able to make me see that she is really sorry for not being able to love me - and i dont blame her, because she might not want to.

but what i have been given is a face, a blank stare, and a pair of words: hindi ngayon. (english translation: not now)

so what am i to do? i am to be myself and not worry if i would ever hear those words because basically, im over the thought of her not loving me. and basically, i've treated it as a reality, and yes - i will love her for the rest of my life, no matter what.

so what if that time comes? at least i would know that she cant love me. so what if the time comes that she does love me? well at least i know that she does. but that wont change the fact that i do love her.

i love you elvine! =)

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