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broken biological clock

a lot of things can scew your life up. especially if you dedicate your time to some purpose, and then after giving it your all, and the purpose has been met (or you suddenly lose interest in the purpose), you tend to realize that hey, you dont have anything left to do.

giving your all in an activity that you previously enjhoyed is very rewarding -- at first. then you tend to seek that activity because for the most part, it gave you some sort of direction, purpose, goal... i'm a very busy person, because i choose to be busy. i dont ask for the work, i take on the work. i dont ask for the challenges, i take them. i dont ask for the pain, i just take it.

having to stop what you like doing is very painful for me. to me, that is the worst sacrifice anybody should have to give. doing something that you dont want to do is plain stupid, but sometimes is necessary -- which more often than not we have nothing we can do about. obligation doesn't include the concept of pleasure, and being obligated to do something means that you generally do not want to do it -- but have to because you have to. but doing what you please wouldn't be obligatoryt, but to me is voluntary.

lucky are the people who gain in doing what they are pleased to do, and kudos to those who excel in doing so. but no such luck has befallen me, and all i gain from doing what pleases me is sheer satisfaction -- and no compensation nor gratitude from the benefactor.

i admit, i'm bitter -- but i can't help it, coz i'm obligated to be.

have a nice one...

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