Skip to main content
let the whole net know that i'm a frikin' loser

why does it have to always be that way? why do i have to deal with things i have no control over? have i been a bad man? why the hell won't she love me?

no i don't care anymore. there's no more mister nice guy, and from now on i am officially a charitable narcissist (or did i spell that correctly?). charitable because i give love which is not being returned, and a narcissist because i love myself. from now on, i will concentrate on myself before i concentrate on others.

i've been lifting weights, with my friends paul and belvs. and what i found out about lifeting weights is that you are not challenging anybody -- nor is anybody challenging you. it's more of challenging yourself to get to the goals that you've set for yourself. and these goals don't depend on anybody else but you. am i sounding self-centered? well guess what, i am self-centered. anybody who doesn't center his life on himself is ultimately a disillusioned slave. if you don't center your life on yourself, then you are bound to lose yourself. one day, you'll wake up figuring out what the hell have you been doing in your life.

and i have come to that point: why the hell did i not love myself? only now that i've figured out why my life is a mess, is when i found out that it's because i'm too busy loving someone else other than myself. i've been doing things not for myself but for someone else. how could i be so stupid? i don't know -- you tell me.

as far as i'm concerned, i love myself. from now on, i will love myself -- i deserve to be loved by someone after a while.

how loserly could i get? i really don't know.

carina: i've decided that i'm done with her. i can't live my life waiting for someone to love me.

elvine: if by some chance you're reading this, please read my email. if you have read it already, then good for you. i don't expect you to respond, but you can live your life now. don't worry about me like how you haven't worried about me after all that i've been for you. again, have a nice life.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Appreciating Rizal...

Nope, this is not an academic post. More of a reflective and wrote-because-i-was-enlightened type post. Anyway, I just passed a paper on Rizal's notion of a nation according to Quibuyen (a local writer who devoted a book -- A Nation Aborted -- on his treatise on Rizal). Chapter 6 was an interesting read, and a definite eye opener. Rizal all of a sudden became interesting, especially to someone like me who could care less. It seems that most of what Rizal aims for and wrote about is still evident in today's Philippines as I see it. I wonder why I didn't get to appreciate Rizal and his work when I was still in high school -- might be the fault of the high school and the curriculum, or might be because I was still considerably immature then. I wasn't able to understand most of Rizal's writings though even if I got to reading them basically because they translated from Spanish to Filipino/Tagalog. I don't have problems with Tagalog, until you put it in writing. I

From FOMO to JOMO

Until very recently I believed that I needed to be on top of the latest news and happenings not only in my field (computer science and software engineering) but also in as many things as I can be on top of. This meant subscribing to all sorts of magazines, newsletters, YouTube channels, Twitch streamers, watching TV and live sport events, etc. — I was on top of a lot of the latest happenings, trends, news, interesting developments. I was having fun and I felt busy. What I did not feel was particularly effective nor productive. I felt like I was consuming so much information with the thought that it might be useful someday. When I was younger this wouldn’t have been an issue but I realised that ever since I’ve started taking stock of what I’ve been spending my time on, that a lot of it I’ve been spending just staying on top of things that I really didn’t need to be on top of. This article is about some of the realisations I’ve made in the course of exploring this issue of “FOMO” or

So much for that...

I just came home from the seminar regarding my proposed load balancing algorithm. I tried to get as candid as I can, but still half of what I said was jargon -- which made me explain the thing in layman's terms and using more colloquial examples. I was wearing a black suit, (chinese collared americana suit that is), gray slacks, black leather belt (perry ellis), and leather shoes (by bristol). I'm beginning to sound like a caption to a fashion mag's pic, but I digress... So there I was, waiting for the seminar to start. As a speaker, I conducted myself properly and tried to get things cleared out with my co-presentors. I was asuuming that they knew at least half of what they were supposed to talk about, and that they knew how to speak in front of a crowd. BUT NO... I sat through two presentors, the first one reading the presentation of the projection, and then doing no explaining whatsoever. I didn't get that because she prepared her own slides, and prepared the hand