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let the whole net know that i'm a frikin' loser

why does it have to always be that way? why do i have to deal with things i have no control over? have i been a bad man? why the hell won't she love me?

no i don't care anymore. there's no more mister nice guy, and from now on i am officially a charitable narcissist (or did i spell that correctly?). charitable because i give love which is not being returned, and a narcissist because i love myself. from now on, i will concentrate on myself before i concentrate on others.

i've been lifting weights, with my friends paul and belvs. and what i found out about lifeting weights is that you are not challenging anybody -- nor is anybody challenging you. it's more of challenging yourself to get to the goals that you've set for yourself. and these goals don't depend on anybody else but you. am i sounding self-centered? well guess what, i am self-centered. anybody who doesn't center his life on himself is ultimately a disillusioned slave. if you don't center your life on yourself, then you are bound to lose yourself. one day, you'll wake up figuring out what the hell have you been doing in your life.

and i have come to that point: why the hell did i not love myself? only now that i've figured out why my life is a mess, is when i found out that it's because i'm too busy loving someone else other than myself. i've been doing things not for myself but for someone else. how could i be so stupid? i don't know -- you tell me.

as far as i'm concerned, i love myself. from now on, i will love myself -- i deserve to be loved by someone after a while.

how loserly could i get? i really don't know.

carina: i've decided that i'm done with her. i can't live my life waiting for someone to love me.

elvine: if by some chance you're reading this, please read my email. if you have read it already, then good for you. i don't expect you to respond, but you can live your life now. don't worry about me like how you haven't worried about me after all that i've been for you. again, have a nice life.

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