Skip to main content
over.

now i am officially over. done with the stuff i used to do, which are walk around thinking that i'm a loser. how could i live like this? i thought so too.

now i've seen that the only person i need to really love me is me. the only person that needs to tell me that i'm not a loser is me. and the only person i need to believe in is me. self centric? hell yeah.

there is still room in my heart for love. that is, i still reserve some space in my heart to the someone who will inderstand me, be there for me, and love me. i wouldn't want to waste any more of my time on someone that's not gonna give me the attantion that i give her. i wouldn't want to be any more inconsiderate to myself than what i've already been. i want to move on, and that's what i've done.

i know i need to get out and meet people. that's the least i can do for myself. and that's the most i can do right now. although my priorities have already shifted, i know that i have to give myself space and time to be able to think ahead and go ahead.

moving on is a matter of choice, and i choose to do it now.

i've always had the chance to back out, but i was too darn proud of myself that i wouldn't want to quit when evidently it was time to. now i'm free of the burden which i unneccessarily put on myself. i feel lighter now, and free of the cudgels which i put on myself.

now i can go out, and be myself and hope that someone will like me for who i am.

thanks for the memories that you've given me elvine, but i'm not sure if i'll keep them happily. you know i love you, and i've done my part. it's over, and i know it. if you want me back, tell me. otherwise, you can count that more or less, i won't bother you anymore.

now i'm really chillin'... =)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Writing Again

It's 2019 and I just realised that I've not written on this blog for a long while. I feel a little bad about this so I'm picking it back up again. More importantly, I've limited my social media to just Twitter (I've deleted all my Facebook-related accounts) and will be writing more on the blog instead of engaging in other social media sites. If you want to reach me directly, you can also reach me through my keybase.io account for encrypted communication. If you have my phone number, you can also contact me through Signal. Quite a number of things have happened in the past few years and here's a quick update on things that I can share:

I've been working on XRay, a function call tracing system now part of the LLVM project. This took a good two and some years of my time at Google.Most recently I've moved to the Chrome Operations Team still here in Google Sydney. I can't give specifics yet of what I'll be working on, so stay tuned.There've been c…

A Passion Project

I was so moved today by the prospect of a passion project that I took some time on a Friday night to get it done. Let me present the #RedJeans project over at redjeans.org. I've found myself wanting to work on a project that came purely from the heart and one that was very dear to me, something that is personal, and connects with a larger community of people in the world.
The idea for redjeans.org came to me as a hint when I was writing up my reflection for 2018. I realised that I didn't spend quite as much time identifying with and working with a community. I did a bit of soul-searching and found that one of the activities I really enjoyed and cherished in years past is donating blood -- and I keep wondering why not more people do it. It was an idle thought but then a conversation with someone where I described why I wrote down "donate blood more often" in 2019 became an idea where instead of just me doing it, how about if I get my friends to do it too?

I left it a…

Futures and Options III: Economics, Journalism, or Computer Science

I realise it's been a year since my previous post on this blog, and I've found myself having very little time to do another "brain dump" on the subject of my early choices in life. With that in mind (and as I'll be traveling again soon) I get to think a little more and reflect on a few of the things that have happened.

Much like the previous post, this one's set in high school -- where I was part of the swimming team, in a band, had been programming with Turbo Pascal, Java, and then C++ later on, and was about to make a choice that would literally change the course of my life. This one is about the choices I made, and the ones that were made for me.

Note: This is part 3 of a series about my early choices in life which have gotten me to where I am today. I would greatly appreciate your feedback and thoughts, as well as for your reading through this series!