Skip to main content
hate

why am i no able to feel hate towards a certain person? why can i not learn to hate her? why can i not stop loving her, or thinking about her? is this what i get for listening to my heart?

it seems that whetever try to do to forget the person, it just doesn't work. i don't know what else to do, because i've never been in this situation before. i never thought that loving someone like i have loved this person would have such an effect to me. i never thought that i would ever be able to want to forget her. but now, i'm over her somehow -- but i'm still blogging about her aren't I? there should be something wrong with me. but whatever that is, I must get oever it ASAP.

the problem is, i want to move on but i can't. everything that i see, read, or hear most of the times reminds me of her. every little thing that reminds me of her is very important to me, and i can't seem to get over them. like whenever i see her name on my cell phone, or her email address on my contacts list, or even the street towards her dorm. i can't seem to make them go away, and hence i can't truly forget her.

now i think i need a real diversion. something that will really take me away from thinking about her. something real -- someone else that will make me feel better about myself, and make me feel that i am special to them and someone that will be there for me as i will be there for them. i shouldn't expect anything from her because oviously, i cannot expect anything from her anyway.

so now, the task for me is to find the person who i will be able to love and love me back -- not because she just wants to, but because she really does, and not because I want her to, but because I really do.

now the task of finding that someone is right here in my face. i just have to work on it.

must... chill...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Appreciating Rizal...

Nope, this is not an academic post. More of a reflective and wrote-because-i-was-enlightened type post. Anyway, I just passed a paper on Rizal's notion of a nation according to Quibuyen (a local writer who devoted a book -- A Nation Aborted -- on his treatise on Rizal). Chapter 6 was an interesting read, and a definite eye opener. Rizal all of a sudden became interesting, especially to someone like me who could care less. It seems that most of what Rizal aims for and wrote about is still evident in today's Philippines as I see it. I wonder why I didn't get to appreciate Rizal and his work when I was still in high school -- might be the fault of the high school and the curriculum, or might be because I was still considerably immature then. I wasn't able to understand most of Rizal's writings though even if I got to reading them basically because they translated from Spanish to Filipino/Tagalog. I don't have problems with Tagalog, until you put it in writing. I

From FOMO to JOMO

Until very recently I believed that I needed to be on top of the latest news and happenings not only in my field (computer science and software engineering) but also in as many things as I can be on top of. This meant subscribing to all sorts of magazines, newsletters, YouTube channels, Twitch streamers, watching TV and live sport events, etc. — I was on top of a lot of the latest happenings, trends, news, interesting developments. I was having fun and I felt busy. What I did not feel was particularly effective nor productive. I felt like I was consuming so much information with the thought that it might be useful someday. When I was younger this wouldn’t have been an issue but I realised that ever since I’ve started taking stock of what I’ve been spending my time on, that a lot of it I’ve been spending just staying on top of things that I really didn’t need to be on top of. This article is about some of the realisations I’ve made in the course of exploring this issue of “FOMO” or

So much for that...

I just came home from the seminar regarding my proposed load balancing algorithm. I tried to get as candid as I can, but still half of what I said was jargon -- which made me explain the thing in layman's terms and using more colloquial examples. I was wearing a black suit, (chinese collared americana suit that is), gray slacks, black leather belt (perry ellis), and leather shoes (by bristol). I'm beginning to sound like a caption to a fashion mag's pic, but I digress... So there I was, waiting for the seminar to start. As a speaker, I conducted myself properly and tried to get things cleared out with my co-presentors. I was asuuming that they knew at least half of what they were supposed to talk about, and that they knew how to speak in front of a crowd. BUT NO... I sat through two presentors, the first one reading the presentation of the projection, and then doing no explaining whatsoever. I didn't get that because she prepared her own slides, and prepared the hand