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hate

why am i no able to feel hate towards a certain person? why can i not learn to hate her? why can i not stop loving her, or thinking about her? is this what i get for listening to my heart?

it seems that whetever try to do to forget the person, it just doesn't work. i don't know what else to do, because i've never been in this situation before. i never thought that loving someone like i have loved this person would have such an effect to me. i never thought that i would ever be able to want to forget her. but now, i'm over her somehow -- but i'm still blogging about her aren't I? there should be something wrong with me. but whatever that is, I must get oever it ASAP.

the problem is, i want to move on but i can't. everything that i see, read, or hear most of the times reminds me of her. every little thing that reminds me of her is very important to me, and i can't seem to get over them. like whenever i see her name on my cell phone, or her email address on my contacts list, or even the street towards her dorm. i can't seem to make them go away, and hence i can't truly forget her.

now i think i need a real diversion. something that will really take me away from thinking about her. something real -- someone else that will make me feel better about myself, and make me feel that i am special to them and someone that will be there for me as i will be there for them. i shouldn't expect anything from her because oviously, i cannot expect anything from her anyway.

so now, the task for me is to find the person who i will be able to love and love me back -- not because she just wants to, but because she really does, and not because I want her to, but because I really do.

now the task of finding that someone is right here in my face. i just have to work on it.

must... chill...

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