Skip to main content
plastic

why do people even bother to smile, when the smile is obviously just for show? why do people have a hard time being sincere? and why do they have a hard time being sincere to me?

during a nice sunny day, when everything seemed fine and the day seemed so nice, you tend to naturally feel light, happy, and alive. then suddenly, other people start showing up, and then start ruining your day. talk about a really pathetic way of ending the day. when the smile gets to you, it should really get you to smile back -- unless the smile wasn't sincere. in which case you want to just stop everything and turn everything back wishing that she hadn't smiled at you.

i want things to go back to when everything was simple but now it's obvious that it isn't possible. it's too far from the beginning at whenever life shows its ugly face at you, you just want to hide. unfortunately, i don't know of a time when i could place myself at and say that i was really happy, and that i would just rather stay in that moment. but then i try remembering the time when she was ever sincere to me, and now i have a hard time doing so.

i've never really heard her say anything definitive, because most of what she's told me has more or less ben debunked already by her own actions. "we're fine, right?" then the next moment i know she's avoiding me. "are you okay?" and then i realized she never was listening. "i don't just use you..." the next thing i know, when she needs something i'm there. who am i kidding now?

all i ever wanted was for the person i thought would be the person i would want to spend the rest of my life with to love me. but unfortunately, the person i knew, wasn't the person i want to be with anymore. i thought she had it, and that's what i thought. only now do i realize that i was better off alone, instead of alone and trying to chase after someone who would just deliberately use and manipulate me into thinking that we're fine or the "sincere" are you okay's were true or that she didn't use me.

it's amazing how the summary of things will boil down to a plastic smile. and to think it took me more than two years to realize that is really just plain stupid.

hope you have a better life than me.

somebody please pass me a beer.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Futures and Options III: Economics, Journalism, or Computer Science

I realise it's been a year since my previous post on this blog, and I've found myself having very little time to do another "brain dump" on the subject of my early choices in life. With that in mind (and as I'll be traveling again soon) I get to think a little more and reflect on a few of the things that have happened.

Much like the previous post, this one's set in high school -- where I was part of the swimming team, in a band, had been programming with Turbo Pascal, Java, and then C++ later on, and was about to make a choice that would literally change the course of my life. This one is about the choices I made, and the ones that were made for me.

Note: This is part 3 of a series about my early choices in life which have gotten me to where I am today. I would greatly appreciate your feedback and thoughts, as well as for your reading through this series!


Rant: Despair and Hopelessness

This weekend I had the chance to do a Google+ hangout with my father in the Philippines. He and I don't talk often but we do have a very good relationship. My dad is cool like that. In this hangout we talked about a few things happening in the Philippines and I've gotten the feeling that my homeland is getting ever deeper into economic disrepair, and that the politics to which I've come to be hopeless on is beyond repair. I've wanted to get something off my chest that's been bothering me for a while now, so if you would indulge me please read on.

Background

I grew up in a part of the Philippines where the land is fertile, there are thriving industries, and there's a certain sense of abundance and stability. This part of the Philippines has good schools, good employment opportunities (mostly industrial and service industries), good investment opportunities (real-estate and agricultural), and good potential for growth. This was true when I was young and this is tr…

Get a Life Coach

Have you ever played a sport whether individual or team sports where your top performance was required for any measure of success? If you have, you may have had the benefit of at least one coach guiding you to point out better form, better strategies, alternative approaches, keeping you accountable, identifying our strengths and weaknesses, and overall telling you to listen to your body and focus on your goals. If you haven't then would you like to have someone on your side, not judging you then generally cheering you on while you attempt to achieve whatever your goals are? For the past year I've been working with a life coach and I can say it's worked so well for me that I cannot help but recommend everyone consider investing in life coaching.

I used to swim back when I was a student in university as part of the varsity team. I had a number of coaches then who taught me not just the technical aspects of swimming, but also the mental fortitude required to train effectively…