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I've been reading the purpose driven life, and I keep a journal for the points that I want to be able to go back to offline. However, day 4 asks me in the end to name one thing I should stop doing and another I should start doing. It sounds like a pretty easy question to answer, but apparently I don't know which one I should stop doing. I know a couple things that I should start doing, but even those things aren't really concrete -- or "worthy".

I'm getting enlightened day by day, and now I'm actually looking forward to attending service with Johanna on Sunday. I owe her a great deal for not giving me an excuse NOT to read the book by actually giving me a copy. I believe this was meant to be, and I'd gladly go along with what He has planned for me.

Come to think of it, I always wanted to share knowledge -- not teach, I believe in the exchange of ideas is better than calling it "teaching". Maybe that's what I should start doing -- concentrate and focus my efforts on doing what I am happiest doing, which is share knowledge. Somehow I feel that my line of work as a developer is all good for me -- but if somehow I can find a way to share knowledge while I'm developing solutions for a living, then that would be the dream job for me.

So far at work, I get to do this. I tend to learn a lot in the process too. I feel that I'm most fulfilled when I get into a situation where I can share my ideas with my workmates, and hear their ideas also. There's also the times when we deal with "issues" with the projects, and the what-not's regarding these issues that I feel alive. Somehow having a conversation once in a while during work makes my day more bearable and a more fruitfull experience. I miss my workmates...

I feel the worst when I put too much pressure on myself -- it's not that I don't perform well under pressure, but just the feeling of getting pressured isn't really something I particularly enjoy. I do this often though -- put too much undue pressure on myself to perform. Somehow when I perform at my own pace, I feel a lot more relaxed and a lot more productive. Nonetheless I do it anyway and pressure myself to do too much. Maybe it's all the activities I'm involved in -- which aren't really a lot by other people's standard, but somehow a lot of little things going on tends to become a big thing. Something's gotta give...

I should ponder a little more about this -- but I admit that I need guidance. I feel like I should be able to talk to friends about this, and finally start getting involved in things I really want to do. I used to feel really good playing music, and I don't get the same high I get when I'm just listening or watching other people play music. I also had one of the most deeply moving experiences when I played the bass along with some YFC bandmates (when I still attended YFC events) and we were playing "Here I am Lord". I miss music.

This is turning out to be a pretty boring post, but I have the perfect photograph to show how I feel -- like a cup waiting to be filled, by His love and grace, in the light casting a shadow of who I am.



  1. We miss you too Dean! :)

    We learn a lot for you too. Thanks for being generous in sharing with us what you know. You're a voracious learner and you have a knack for communicating ideas clearly.

    Be driven. ;)


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