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All's Fair

in Love and War. That's what they say.

I've been in emo mode the past couple of days, so much so that I needed to schedule dinner+coffee+stories with the best lady friend of ten years (and I never thought I'd be able to have a long term relationship ever), just to get stuff off my chest. I felt so down for no apparent reason that I didn't feel like I would be able to get out of it alone.

And I was right.

I needed to hear it from a friend straight up: "You're stupid you know..."

I was beating up myself for something I walked myself into. I was telling myself "I need the pain" when I really was saying "I don't want to take control of my situation". There's so much more in store in life, but I'm beating myself up because I was giving up in doing whatever I can (and trusting the Lord in His plan for me). It's not so much that I've taken control and am getting lost: it's the other way around -- that I didn't take control of what I can take control of, which is myself.

So now all that emo stuff seems juvenile and short sighted.

I need to hear it from me: Lord, take your throne and take over.

The best control you can take is the one you can give up.

Thank you Lord, I have friends!

CHill!
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