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When Things Aren't Going Your Way

You find a distraction. For some people that's work. For some people that's a movie alone. For some people there's a hobby, a vice, a routine. You need something which would change your current mood. For me, that's talking to people dear to me, connecting with friends, and just stopping whatever I'm doing to "smell the roses" and be able to connect.

Right now I'm going through the usual "month before my birthday" blues, when I look at my life and see myself no better than I was the year before. I see how far I've gone, how much I've improved, and how much I still have to go through. I see how my life has gone and whether I like what I currently am.

This year, I'm sad. I'm sad not because I haven't met my targets -- but that I've met them and exceeded them, that I'm sad I don't give myself enough credit for what I'm worth. I'm sad that I actually underestimate myself most of the time. Though I feel like every milestone I've set for myself I've already reached thus far -- and that I'm on track with my long term plans -- I am sad.

Yesterday was one of the worst days for me. Things were not going my way, and I'm not used to it. And then someone reminded me that I'm not meant to take control of whatever I do -- that there's a Higher Power who's already determined my life for me. I should go get back to surrendering -- life back then was way simpler, when I didn't try to take control of my life.

It might just be that I'm looking at my life more and am supposed to feel happy. But somehow, getting to where I'm at right now doesn't bring me the same joy I thought I'd feel. Maybe that's why I'm sad: that I'm not feeling what I expect to be feeling when I get here. I looked forward to being in this situation, but now I'm here I'm going "now what?" yet again.

I know I'm missing something, and I think I know what that is -- or who that is -- and I ought to do something about it.

Here I am Lord... Where to now?

CHill.

Comments

  1. your words.. found me at ease with myself. It was like.. someone had creeped into my brain and wrote out exactly what I had been thinking for the last few months.

    This is an old post, (almost a year now) but I found it today.. yay for me. My 30th birthday is in a month, and reading your post made me feel better.. even if it's just for today. thanks :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here I am infront of a computer thinking which direction to take or what to do then i came across your article and then I realized that I beat myself alot.i totally agree that we need to surrender to the unknown n not try to control everything. thnks

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  3. Dean!
    I typed your title of this blog in Google and found this post.
    You know, trying to take control of things is so hard because we're not in control of circumstances, God is.
    We can have the faith and pursue things but we're always going to face opposition and change. We must choose to be content at whatever state that we are at.

    There is a popular Serenity prayer that says,
    Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    As a follower of Jesus Christ, what I've discovered is when we face these times when stuff is not going the way we think they should, this is a test of faith.

    But this also presents an opportunity for us to get more informed about what and how we’re going about things.

    We have to reevaluate and take a step back and see what’s going on here. I believe some things we desire to finish are for certain seasons. We just have to be discerning enough of the particular time and season for completing whatever it is that we’re aiming for.

    We shouldn’t try to force things but always pray and ask God what's up with the opposition. He'll usually reveal what it is that's hindering the progress.

    So in essence, we should draw to God and get in tune with him and not miss a bigger picture of something by trying to force our own way.

    Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5,6

    Humbly yours,
    Quamon Fowler aka TeXas10er

    ReplyDelete

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