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Day 1 - Pain, Suffering, and Relief

How do you live with a disease and let your loved ones see your suffering? If you're single (like me) how do you convince your girlfriend that spending the rest of her life with you will be worth it? How do you make it all better when you yourself are degenerating by the day?

These are very tough questions that require two answers. First answer would be: in a relationship, it's not all your burden to bear. Second answer would be: you shape up and do your best to be the best person you can be for yourself and the relationship.

Having spent close to one week in a hospital for chest and nape pain gave me a glimpse into what the troubles people in relationships where one person is suffering face. Only this time I'm the suffering one and my girlfriend can only be there and watch. Not only was I suffering from the pain of my condition, but I also felt the pain of seeing my love suffer every time I squint and writhe in pain. Trust me, unless you're really screwed up in the brain, you don't want to be in either side of that situation.

I felt hopeless and utterly useless as I lay in the hospital bed holding my love's hand. I tried so hard to hide the pain not only from her but also from visiting friends and family -- but sometimes it was unbearable and all I can really do is show it. These are the times when it felt less painful and I took the chance every time to make everyone around me feel better and look like I'm doing better -- even though the pain really didn't go away.

Right now I'm writing this while my five year old niece is reading everything I write. Not only can I not show her how painful my chest right now is, I should make her feel that I'm alright and smile throughout this ordeal. This is the same thing I do when people are around, and I will only complain when I can't take it anymore. Maybe that's a character thing but I don't particularly see it as a problem.

At any rate right now I should focus on getting better and getting my act together to make things right. I know I should take better care of my body so that I can last longer and be able to enjoy a future with the love of my life, maybe have children, and be strong enough to be there for them when they need me. I'll take it day by day. Hopefully this chronicle will let me write down what I feel everyday and what I am thinking to help me cope.

It's about time I told the story of how it is to be me everyday -- hopefully to inspire those who are also young, diabetic, hypertensive, and in a relationship and have dreams and ambitions of their own that they still want to reach. Hopefully this turns out to be a journal which not only myself but others can read to be able to look into the life of someone in pain, suffering, and how they cope with the ordeal everyday.

Until tomorrow.

Comments

  1. Dude! Sad to hear about your ordeal..

    I can relate, though (I think)..

    I've been diagnosed with an arthritis-like thing (not yet confirmed -- the gene test is expensive! If it the gene test turns out negative, then what I have might be plain and simple arthritis), and I REALLY hate worrying my girlfriend whenever I get "the pains". Not to mention my injury from the motorcycle collision -- sucks to see her frown!

    I just draw more strength from seeing her stick with me through those times. =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Nikki!

    I can do that too: draw strength from seeing her stick with me through those times.

    Thanks again, and hope you feel better as well.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Jen for being there. I wouldn't know what I'd do without you.

    You kissing the pain away is definitely something I look forward to -- for the rest of my life.

    Thanks beh!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

    I am praying for you bro. Don't worry to much. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you very much sir!

    It's getting better by the day so I'm taking it one day at a time. The Lord knows best, and in His time I'll be healed.

    Thanks again sir!

    ReplyDelete

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