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A while earlier, I took the final exam for CMSC 150 at the Institute of Computer Science in UPLB. I've taken it a year ago, and failed miserably. And that might just happen again since I didn't have 1 sure answer in the 50 item multiple choice exam. I didn't study and I will deserve whatever grade I have, but I'm thinking "oh no, what about my varsity membership? how about the SCUAA?!"

That exam was really something else. It was supposed to test your understanding and mastery of the concepts. I know half of that I learned from CMSC 150, and I could even explain them to you. However, if you put it in writing and ask me "Which among these statements are true about LU Decomposition?" -- then I'll start having a problem. I can't complain because I didn't study (at all) but I know I could have done so much better. I just hope my lab instructer will allow me to do extra work to catch up for the passing grade -- I have a bad feeling that the lecture grade will be so close to 0% that I would need a miracle to get to 55% (the passing grade).

All of this due to my delinquency and complancency -- and this weird feeling of nonchelant and "I-don't-care-if-I-flunk-again". Although I won't be able to join the varsity for the SCUAA, I could still continue my training -- but it would be a pointless training since I won't be able to compete anyway. And I should say goodbye to the jacket too and the imprint of "UPLB ST" on my swim gear. I'm starting to feel that sinking feeling now that I think I'll take out my frustration on my laptop and start coding on something ASAP. OR, I might take it out on coding on our project before Sunday comes and we actually finish the thing.

Or, I could take out my frustration by hooking up with someone at Puerto Galera by Monday night and have mindless sex with a complete stranger and worry about life the next day. I could even write about it, and have the whole world read about what happens when I go to Puerto Galera (or some remote beach resort) in a sucky mood (no pun intended).

I could call my best friend and complain all I want, but I doubt that would be productive. Or I could call up my teacher next week and talk to him regarding my standing. OR, I could just write about myself on this website of mine and vent all my frustrations here. Oh, yes you're reading, and I'm sorry if I'm sounding hysterical right now -- while I'm writing this, I am as sober as water in a glass.

Aside from praying (which I have been doing for the past few days), and trying to remember what I should be doing, I have been doing a lot of contemplating and relaxation. I've told the truth to a lot of people, and I feel free. Except for that friggin' finals exam. I don't know if the teacher really wants the majority of the class to fail, or we all cannot just understand whatever he's teaching. It's either HE's the problem or HE has a problem. Or it might be me, but we all know that this time, it's my fault.

So I'll let the world know how my life plays out by the official end of this semester, and what I'll plan to do when things don't turn out my way. I definitely will share with the world how happy I'll be when a miracle happens and I actually pass the F'in course.

I NEED to Chill...


  1. c mercado ba yan? kung sya yan, then wag ka magalala, sya nga yung problema. hehehee. old exam lng yan! ^_^


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