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What not to do...

I've just spent a night with someone I really like. It was great, although there are things that you should not do when you're single:
- get into a compromising position with someone who has feelings for you
- be dishonest about your feelings
- be too content with whatever you have
- and last but not least, to start thinking that you're not single anymore

Every night of mindless lovemaking and intimacy leads me to think that I really am not built for the relationships our mothers and fathers start a family with. Maybe I'm afraid of commitment, and it's always so convenient to go around having fun without strings attached. In the liberated times of today, I've never felt so free -- yet so alone, until now.

Yes, I have friends that are there when you need them. I have a lot of people I can talk to when I feel like talking, and there are some people I can call on whenever I want to get laid. I could always go out and find a random partner when I feel like doing it. However, I really have yet to do that and get something out of it. I can't do it in Laguna due to certain limitations and due to my family's reputation that I should keep intact.

If they only knew what I've already been up to these days, they'd be proud that I don't use our name in any transaction which involves doing "liberated" things. I've been open to my dad, and I'm thankful he's very supportive of me and my decisions. I am also very thankful that he understands what I'm going through, and my wanting to be independent and my own person.

I am young, by Filipino standards, although I never feel young anymore. I make stupid mistakes, but I make sure that I learn from them. Last night, I made a huge mistake, but I have to learn from it.

Everyday, I feel that I learn more and more. And everyday, I feel that I'm getting wiser. I just hope I keep this up and not falter when the time comes when I need the wisdom that I've gained and the knowledge that I've amassed. Aside from that, I hope I get to find the one that's really for me, and who'll understand who I am and take me for who I am. I found one, but she's not the one for me.

I hope this all comes through at some point in time.

CHill...

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