Skip to main content
sincere

how do you sound sincere? i mean, when do you know a person is really sincere? and if you knew for sure that the person you're talking to is sincere, would it change anything? would it change the way you feel about that person?

i've said no to the person i though i wasn't going to be able to say no to. i'm moving on, form the person i thought i could never move on from. but now i'm finding that at times, she sounds sincere, and sincerely concerned. even if i counsciously think about it, yes she really did sound sincere a while ago. but should that change anything?

and so now i think i know that she does care sometimes. it isn't said out loud, but then the thought comes when she says things that sound truly authentic.

her: "umuulan na... ay, wala kang payong?"
me: "wala e, pero ok lang." (after pausing for a moment to consciously taking note of her tone).

i couldn't stomach the thought that things like that were thought of before hand or rehearsed (scripted, or in a respository in the back of her head). and besides, it really sounded sincere.

me: "cencya ka na, inde na ako nakapunta... kasi andami kong ginagawa na kailangan tapusin." (to politely indicate that i've just turned down one of your requests, and that i'm trying to make it sound kind)
her: "ay, hinde, ok lang talaga. mukhang busy ka naman kasi talaga e."

now that was a good punch line. but this is the clincher:

i was walking from the corner of the street, thinking of what to tell her when i hand the paper bag to her. then i arrive at the door, and finally ring her to indicate that i was there. and the first words i heard from her were...
her: "uy, kamusta ka na?"

i don't know what to think now. but then just like with every conversation we used to have, there used to be this favorite part of mine which i will always cherish -- the part when right after we say goodbye, and look away i tell her i love her.

but that didn't happen, for the second time -- by design.

i now know that she's sincere at times, and that i just get lost in the sarcasm of it all. but i still lost the girl i loved -- it isn't her anymore. if that girl comes back, who knows. but for now, i do not know.

chillin'...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Appreciating Rizal...

Nope, this is not an academic post. More of a reflective and wrote-because-i-was-enlightened type post. Anyway, I just passed a paper on Rizal's notion of a nation according to Quibuyen (a local writer who devoted a book -- A Nation Aborted -- on his treatise on Rizal). Chapter 6 was an interesting read, and a definite eye opener. Rizal all of a sudden became interesting, especially to someone like me who could care less. It seems that most of what Rizal aims for and wrote about is still evident in today's Philippines as I see it. I wonder why I didn't get to appreciate Rizal and his work when I was still in high school -- might be the fault of the high school and the curriculum, or might be because I was still considerably immature then. I wasn't able to understand most of Rizal's writings though even if I got to reading them basically because they translated from Spanish to Filipino/Tagalog. I don't have problems with Tagalog, until you put it in writing. I

So much for that...

I just came home from the seminar regarding my proposed load balancing algorithm. I tried to get as candid as I can, but still half of what I said was jargon -- which made me explain the thing in layman's terms and using more colloquial examples. I was wearing a black suit, (chinese collared americana suit that is), gray slacks, black leather belt (perry ellis), and leather shoes (by bristol). I'm beginning to sound like a caption to a fashion mag's pic, but I digress... So there I was, waiting for the seminar to start. As a speaker, I conducted myself properly and tried to get things cleared out with my co-presentors. I was asuuming that they knew at least half of what they were supposed to talk about, and that they knew how to speak in front of a crowd. BUT NO... I sat through two presentors, the first one reading the presentation of the projection, and then doing no explaining whatsoever. I didn't get that because she prepared her own slides, and prepared the hand

Reconnecting with people

2021 started with a a good sense of connection for me, having spent time with friends and family in a simple celebration of the oncoming year. The transition from 2020 to 2021 and being able to look back at a good part of my recent history got me thinking about how life has been for me and the family for the past decade. There’ve been a lot of people that I’ve met and become friends with while there are those that I’ve left behind and lost touch with. There’s a saying about treating old friends different from new ones, which I do appreciate now that I’m a bit older. It also means that my relationships with people that I get to spend a good amount of time with take a different shape. This reflection has given me some time and space to think about what it means to reconnect with people. Friends are the family we choose ourselves. — Edna Buchman I have the privilege of having life-long friends that I don’t always stay in regular contact with. From my perspective, if I consider you a frien